Saturday, October 25, 2008

Blue States Political Solution.

This is the first time i just copy and paste something i received by e-mail a couple of days ago from one of my smartest friends, Kanna, the same person that gifted me with the funny song i posted last Thursday. I do this for two reasons, the first is that i think the letter you're gonna read in a few seconds is one of the funniest things I've never read in my life. The second reason is that, even if i cannot complain for the results this blog is achieving in less than a year, i confess that during the week-end my stats say that nobody gives a f..k about it. That's why i never post on week ends, but this time I'm gonna change, it's a sort of fidelity bonus to all the few people who will download this page during the starting week end. Remember I'm Italian, so for this first time a "copy&paste" i think will be more than enough, please forgive me if you don't agree.

Blue States Political Solution.

Dear Red States:
We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country and
we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware,
that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota,
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast. We believe
this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the
people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research, the best beaches and the Statue of
Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get
WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of
America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama and we get two-thirds of the tax revenue;
you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be
pro gay-rights, pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all
our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask
your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send
to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show
pictures of their children's caskets coming home.

We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but
we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America's quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the
high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get
Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44
percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam
was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe
you are the people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed
they grow in Mexico.

Thank you for your time and attention.

1 comment:

kk said...

Further inquiries may be sent to:

K.S. Martass
411 Subversive Street
Manzana Grande, NY